Pink Pineapple: The 'trend' Benny Blanco's selling. - Internet Meltdown!

So, pink pineapples are a thing now. Fantastic. Just what the world needed: another overpriced, Instagram-bait food trend to clog up my feed and make me question the very fabric of reality. Benny Blanco "approves," huh? Well, that's just the cherry on top of this whole ridiculous sundae.

Pink Pineapples: Because Regular Fruit Isn't Exploitative Enough

Lycopene Lies and Marketing Hype Let's be real. It's a pineapple. It's pink. It’s genetically modified to be pink, specifically. Apparently, some "scientists" tweaked its DNA to keep it pink instead of the regular yellow. Lycopene, the stuff that makes tomatoes red, is the culprit here. Or, you know, the marketing angle. They "turned off the enzyme" that changes lycopene into beta-carotene. Sounds terrifying, doesn't it? Like something Dr. Moreau would cook up on his island of horrors. Except instead of creating human-animal hybrids, we get... pink fruit. Progress? I think not. More like peak capitalism. And the price? $25 to $50 a pop? For a *pineapple*? Are you kidding me? They ship it without the crown so you can't replant it. Now that's some evil genius-level stuff right there. Keeping it exclusive, they say. I say it's a scam designed to prey on the wallets of bored rich people and those desperate to impress their followers with the next viral sensation.

Influencers Ruin Everything, Even Pineapples

The Influencer Infection Of course, the "viral appeal" is mentioned. Because what's the point of anything these days if it's not Instagrammable? Food bloggers and influencers are all over this thing like flies on, well, you know. They’re flashing their pink pineapples and racking up the likes, while the rest of us are stuck eating regular, boring, *yellow* fruit. I mean, who cares if it's packed with Vitamin C, antioxidants, and digestive enzymes? You can get that from a regular pineapple, or an orange, or, I don't know, a multivitamin. But it wouldn’t get you likes, would it? And "celebrity shoutouts"? Benny Blanco, you say? The Pink Pineapple: Nature’s Sweetest Trend Taking Over the Internet — and Benny Blanco Approves He thinks it smells and looks like a normal pineapple but tastes "incredible." Translation: "I got paid a lot of money to hold this pink thing and say nice things about it." Give me a break. Seriously, is this what we've come to? Are we so desperate for novelty that we'll shell out fifty bucks for a genetically modified pineapple just because it's pink and an influencer told us to? The Hippies Happiness page gets photo credit? I'm starting to think we're living in a simulation designed to test the limits of human stupidity.

"Health Benefits"? More Like Hype Machine

Health Benefits? Yeah, Right. They claim it's got all these health benefits. Vitamin C, antioxidants, aids digestion... blah, blah, blah. It's a sales pitch, people. Don't fall for it. It’s fruit. It's got vitamins. So does an apple. So does a banana. Are we going to start genetically modifying those next? Pink bananas? Blueberries that taste like bacon? Where does it end? Then again, maybe I'm just being a grumpy old cynic. Maybe there's nothing wrong with a little bit of harmless, overpriced, social media-fueled fun. Maybe... nah. I can’t even finish that thought. It's stupid. It’s all just so incredibly stupid. Just Another Sign of the Apocalypse